"twatlight"

So it is an ungodly breed of hot day here in the Phil. It is so gross. I made the mistake of wearing my gorge new jeans to work, only to emerge from air conditioning into a sauna of sweat and horror. I then had to walk home, which isn't a big deal since I live right nearby, but even those few minutes were interminable, since it felt like I was crawling through lava. It sucked. So I'm not tryna leave my house any more today except to get takeout from Sahara Grill (their chicken shish taouk platter is godly), and what do I do when I'm in my house? Cruise the interwebs like a fucking loser.

However, I read this fucked up article today about how Twilight is ruining marriages and taking over the minds of suburban housewives, and then my friend Amanda posted this awesome Entertainment Weekly article through ONTD about HP being better than Twilight (which, well, DUH). But this all got me thinking about Twilight again, which sadly, is something that I actually think about from time to time. But not in a creepy fucking "I wish I had an Edward of my own to emotionally abuse me" sort of way.


also, this.

I'll put this out there: I read all four books. Sometimes I'll pick one up for mindless reading and then promptly put it down again when I realize I could literally just read Courtney Love's Twitter feed and get more value from it. I even bought Breaking Dawn when it came out after reading books one through three. When I tell people Twilight makes me want to kick babies, but that I read all the books, I get the same reaction: "Then why did you read the books? Don't you secretly like it or something, you fucking weirdo?" No. The answer is no, jerk.

I finished the series for two reasons. First, I finish things that I start. Unless I really hate it or can't get into it at all, I finish books, because I have a compulsive need to see where the story goes. One notable exception is I did not finish "Choke" by Chuck Palahniuk (and do not even get me STARTED on Palahniuk. I hate that fucker. If I have to sit through another creative writing class and listen to every overpierced, green-haired, Pittsburgh-poseur hipster say that their favorite author is Palahniuk because he is "so transcendent" I will kill myself. "Fight Club" was good, but he mostly writes the same thing a million times. End rant).

Even though I suspected five pages into the first book that I would probably hate Twilight, I was, I have to admit, a little bit curious. Though I much would have preferred her to take a creepy predator-prey angle with Edward and Bella rather than OMGZOURLUVISSOTRU, once I made it into New Moon (my favorite installment since it hardly has any Edward in it), I got a little more interested in Jacob and the wolves, who seemed decent. Too bad Meyer took that interest, turned Jacob into a total dick in Eclipse, and then pooped out a turd, smeared it on some paper, and called it Breaking Dawn.

BREAKING DAWN WAS A DISASTER. Almost everyone knows this (except maybe her). It includes a vampire Caesarian, as Cleolinda might put it (I am, like her, an LOLfan who is fascinated by the shittiness of Twilight, and I love her recaps), pedophilia, pro-lifeism, yadda-yadda-yaddaing over the hot messy vampire sex that I waited for for THREE BOOKS (thankfully I later got into True Blood which has all the vampire monkey sex I could ever ask for), pillow-biting, an 18 year old newly-wed pregnant girl drinking a blood Slurpee, a huge leadup to an awesome vampire battle THAT NEVER HAPPENED because everyone sat down and talked about their feelings instead, and a creepy fast-growing vampire baby named Renesmee. That book fucking blew.

I wrote a paper on Twilight for an English class, actually - we had to write one paper as a bad critic and one as a good critic, and my bad critic loved Twilight and my good one was wise to the fact that it's about a messed up abusive relationship between a controlling 100-year old virgin and a complete doormat. But I really need to know - why do people flock to these books like fucking crazy?! Why does anyone in their right mind think this is a phenom to rival the greatness that is Harry Potter? And why have poor Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson not assumed new identities, grabbed some fake mustaches, and absconded to Iceland to avoid filming the last installments of those shit-tastic movies?

In my opinion, Twilight's popularity has a lot to do with what some would call "the erotics of abstinence." Though I fail to see what eroticism can be found in abstinence, which is based on the same "just say no" mentality peddled by DARE (because sex and drugs are, as we all know, the same thing, and are both gateways to an early death and a descent into hell), people have proposed that Bella and Edward laying in a meadow staring at each other for approximately 6 hours and NOT having sex is, somehow, sexy. And, to be fair, I do think that the "safeness" of Edward, since he actively pressures Bella into NOT consummating their relationship, appeals to a lot of girls of the younger set, who, to some extent, fear sex. It's the Twilight Moms that I understand less, but for older women, I guess it's just pure escapism. Bella is, after all, a widely acknowledged wish-fulfillment character, an empty shell who welcomes readers to step right into her shoes.

Twilight is just another manifestation of our need for girls to stay pure, and our need for safe relationships, "dream guys" (whether or not they're abusive), and wish-fulfillment fantasies. I think people who are thinking about reading Twilight should just save some time and frustration and go buy some Harry Potter books. Because instead of sparkling like pussies and getting everything they want with no caveats, like the Twilight characters, Harry and his friends have badass wands, lose their friends and family, make sacrifices, wage war, fight, and win through sheer force of will and love. Leave Twilight to the angsty 12-year-old girls who have never had a real relationship, please. They'll learn one day that having a guy watch you sleep is not a sign of a healthy bond..... I hope.

peter you suck, peter you don't do anything of value

Forgetting Sarah Marshall, no matter how many times I watch it, never stops being funny. And that's all I have to say about that.

I hate my two-job schedule right now, and after working the lunch shift at my favorite Starr restaurant today, I am literally laying in bed watching TV (in my J Brand cargos, no less - these bitches are comfy). My body is totally exhausted after spending my mornings feigning enthusiasm about choreography for Grease, my afternoons chasing hyper kids around, and my nights leading people to their tables and being forced to stand without food or drink for 7-8 hours. Also, I have no money, because I keep buying pants.

Yesterday Third Street Habit hosted Cutoffs and Cocktails with guest hosts from Genetic Denim, aka cool girls from Oklahoma State U with summer internships at Genetic in NYC (talk about my dream life). It was about 100,000 degrees yesterday, and my mom had just gotten back from spending 3 hours on the Turnpike coming from Reading due to an overturned tree, but we both dragged our sorry asses over to the Habit, since I pride myself on being a loyal customer. Also, Genetic is my fave.

There were so many cute items, and I was trying hard to decide whether I like the Rye Skirt in Ol' Vintage or the Shane Cigarette Jeans, of which I have two pairs already (in Admiral, a lighter wash pure blue, and Silver, which I posted about previously), in Slink, a new color. At the urging of the salesgirls, I got the Shanes, making them the third pair to join my Genetic family. (Good thing I did, too, since they flew off the rack - the only sizes left at the end of the night were like, 29 and 30). So did my mom. She claims the Genetic girls peer pressured her into the purchase, but as January, Habit's owner, so aptly put it, "I think it was your butt in the mirror that pressured you into buying these jeans." January is so right. Genetics are notorious for making your butt super slap-worthy.



I was tempted by the skirt because, as I said, it was 6 million degrees at the time and I couldn't imagine the prospect of ever wearing anything on my legs again. But, as much as I loved the skirt, the jeans are practical. Also, they are softer than my dog.

However, once again, this was a bad decision. Goodbye, paychecks. I'm not even done paying for the fucking cargos. Also, I want a new top.

I'll leave you all (who am I kidding with "you all?" I'm fully aware no one reads my blog) with this news: Neil Patrick Harris will be reprising the role of Neil Patrick Harris in A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas. Also, my life is complete.

I promise, eventually, I'll do a post with more substance, Jezebel style, but first I have to think substantive thoughts.

new technology creates new rudeness

So, since I now have a single reader (thanks to the lovely Liz), I have been encouraged to update. And update I will.

First, I bought the J Brand cargo pants in New York at Barney's. Bad decisions happen at 61st and Madison. I totally cannot afford them (but will eventually be able to pay for them with rabbit poo money, since I obligingly clean up my neighbor's rabbit-poo caked house for $10 a visit), but I love them and they are fab. My best friend also has them in blue, so it was a matter of fate that I buy them.

Also, in brief, post-Glee Live show at Radio City last Sunday (because I am a big old nerdy mess), I met half the cast and it was glorious. I hugged Finn (!!!), told Kurt I love him, had a long conversation with Brittany (who liked my dress) and met Tina and the 2 male dancers on the show.


again, sideways. sorry.

Also, before this, I ate at Bar Americain, and had amazing duck. I fucking love duck. And a champagne cocktail, with, combined with wine, got me surprisingly drunk. So I was drunk, at Glee, with 8 year olds. It was, at first, a bad situation.

But this is not what this post is about. This post is about simple etiquette in a complicated world. Most people say please and thank you, occasionally hold doors, and, unless you are a native Philadelphian or New Yorker, are generally polite to random strangers, elderly relatives, your friends and family, and the like. But why do we find it so easy to be ridiculously awful to people we know well through the most impersonal medium possible?

I speak, of course, of Facebook. I will admit, I am a self-confessed Facebook junkie. I check it on my computer and my iPod and read my newsfeed like a creepy fiend, even when it's a post from someone I either don't give a shit about or haven't spoken to in years. However, recent events have kind of driven me to reevaluate how I feel about Facebook. It's a weird medium that allows people to be totally rude to others with a kind of screen between them - you would never walk up to a friend and tell them that you're essentially done with them forever, would you?

I'm referring to the phenomenon known as "defriending," "unfriending," whatever. I have a story. I've found that a few non-essentials have defriended me, and I've defriended people as well - but mostly just ex-boyfriends of friends I never actually knew. I've never defriended someone out of pure spite.

I had a roommate this past year. Though I have my own opinions after living with her for an entire year, I'll take the high road and keep my thoughts on her personality and life choices to myself (or at least, not blast her shit on the Interwebs). As a roommate, she was far from ideal. She advertised herself as clean, but never once cleaned our shared bathroom, and at some point wouldn't even flush the toilet if her shit didn't go down the first time. (I so wish I was joking.) She left her hair, which was all over the rest of the apartment as well, in the drain. Whatever. She was not a good roommate.

However, we were decent friends for a long time, and so I usually just let those things go. Things got tenser at the end of the year, and after we both aired our grievances Festivus-style in a screaming match, things were weird, but we agreed to live in peace. The day before I went home, the electric bill came. I asked for her half, and she was too busy to comply. I sent the whole check in and asked for her to send her half to me.

A few weeks later, I wrote on her Facebook wall reminding her to send in her half, and she responded nastily, telling me she had sent her half directly to the electric company. One day later, I visited her profile, only to find that I had the option to add her as a friend. I had been defriended.

Why the fuck is this fucking acceptable? And why does anyone think it's a reasonable reaction to almost anything? Yes, I understand maybe defriending a boyfriend who cheated on you, or a friend who stole your boyfriend. In fact, I think probably instances of cheating or straight-up heartbreak are the ONLY ones where defriending is acceptable. My other old roommate, who enjoyed vomiting in our joint trashcan, reading my IMs to find nasty things I said about her, and stealing my things, also defriended me, and even though I couldn't fucking stand her, I felt kind of hurt and weird about it.

I think it comes down to one essential thing when you're defriended - you end up wondering, am I really so bad that someone has to go to my profile and actively make the decision to cut me from their lives? Are my weekly status posts so grating on their nerves? Am I really such a piece of shit?

The pukey alcoholic roommate was never my friend, so her defriending briefly bothered me, but didn't hurt me. The more recent roommate's defriending definitely did. We were actual friends. We went grocery shopping together, sat and watched two seasons of True Blood obsessively in our living room, talked about our boyfriends and our pasts and our relationships, and bought each other birthday presents (for the record, I kind of want the Marc by Marc Jacobs daisy-shaped ring with the perfume solid inside that I gave her last May back). We lived together for an entire year. Sure, we're not best friends anymore, but I would never have defriended her - because it is a deeply nasty thing to do, and is far less innocuous than it seems. As I said, a person has to actively go to the other's profile and choose to defriend them. It is extremely personal, and it sucks. It totally blows.

End rant. I know this went on far too long. But new technology creates new ways for people to hurt each other, and having been hit with it, I am less than pleased with that development. In the end, people are just bullshit.